About a month ago, I chose a myriad of parenting books (mostly aimed at toddlers) on the library website and put them on reserved. A few days later, I had a dozen books ready for pickup. Some of them were rubbish and were put back in the "return bag" almost immediately after flipping through them.
But some of them were actually not so bad...
The Idle Parent: Why Less Means More When Raising Kids by Tom Hodgkinson. Check out the book cover!
Top 8 suggestions I retained (in no particular order)
-Be cheerful and satisfied with life. We teach by example, not with authority. A whining child has a whining parent.
-Children teach us to live in the present. Embrace that instead of focusing on the past (i.e. "How was daycare? What did you do today? ) or the future (i.e. "Are you excited for our summer plans?").
-Do less. Passive parenting is responsible parenting.
-Say "yes".
-Fill your children's lives with variety, creativity and autonomy.
-Stop saying "Careful!". We are conditioned into living in fear. By shrieking "careful!/attention!", we remove their confidence.
-Stop giving them options. Water for dinner.
-Children remember "made up" stories more than read ones. Revive the art of storytelling! They will also be more captivated.
And here's Margot serving dried apples:
Any must-reads? I've still only read one parenting book and I'm still not sure whether this demonstrates a gross arrogance on my part or is entirely sensible. I have just decided to get Siblings Without Rivalry, which is by the same people as the one book I did read and like (on your mum's recommendation!). Even reading your post makes me question my parenting and I'm never quite sure the degree to which it is helpful/harmful to move myself from an instinctive mode of parenting (where I feel confident) to a reflective mode (where I question/worry about everything). There's probably a balance to be struck, right? And it's personal. Whenever I hear advice, and dos and don'ts being bandied about I always tell myself, only I know my child. I do very much approve of "Do less" though. That fits right in with my natural instincts. Thank you for sharing :) xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Jen, I really enjoyed this post and have put a hold on the Idle Parent book at our local library. I realize that while I read quite a bit when Zoe was smaller, I haven't given any thought to what I am doing now that she is 4. I like the themes that the Idle Parent book espouses. Bex, I might check out the Siblings Without Rivalry book as well, also something I haven't considered (I guess Julien is only 6 weeks...).
ReplyDeleteSabrina
I agree with most of those points, but a couple of questions from a soon-to-be mum:
ReplyDelete-What exactly does "do less" mean? It's a pretty vague idea that could be interpreted in any number of ways. I will definitely aspire not to micro-manage my children - it makes me cringe when I see parents do it. But the expression "passive parenting is responsible parenting" is a little unnerving without more context.
-The bit about living in the present; I think this sounds good in theory, but is it really so bad to ask a child about what they did that day? Perhaps it's a tack that would fall away as a child gets older; [I expect] children of Margot's age forget about what occurred 4 hours ago in daycare pretty quickly, but a 5 year old might take pride in the finger painted alphabet they made that day, and want to share that with their mum or dad. Wouldn't asking about it show the child that their parents are interested in their little worlds?
I'm not speaking from any experience yet of course. I'll experience it all soon enough :) And Jen, these questions don't tend toward anything other than dialogue...of all my friends, you and Simon are my parenting heroes, and I hope Rich and I will take many pages from your book when our own little cub arrives.
Margot lightens the heart as always.
Love you lots!
I think a lot of these suggestions are also good for being a friend/spouse/pleasant human.
ReplyDelete:)